The Smell of Burning Tires

Picture this - You are strolling down a picturesque rue in Paris as the aroma of french coffee fills the air. You find a romantic sidewalk cafe and sit down for a good cup of coffee"

Ahhh WRONG! No can do! France has terrible coffee and strange rules about when you can even drink it.                  

France is the home of..... BLACK TAR. 

If you walk into a Paris cafe and ask for "a cup of coffee", the waiter will bring you a small espresso size cup containing a few tablespoons of a very deep, dark, very strong, sticky, espresso (and a few cubes of sugar on the side) "Whoa, hold on there, barista. I actually wanted a tall non fat carmel macchiato and instead you gave me black tar." 

Supposedly this bad coffee, which smells like burnt tires may also be too strong for the average American's taste. You could ask for some milk to lighten it up a little, but you probably don't want to do that either. Why? Because they use sterilized milk instead of pasteurized milk. Sterilized milk does not have to be refrigerated. uh oh Not even after it has been opened. It tastes bad and smells bad.  making the gag sound Sterilized milk is cheaper and has a longer shelf life.
And it is everywhere in France.

Now to add insult to injury there are also rules of etiquette around coffee drinking

Cafe Noir - black coffee aka black tar - you can partake of this coffee any time of the day or night BUT....you can only drink it with food at breakfast. If you should dare ask for a cup of coffee when you order your dessert, well...Forget About it! The waiter will not return with the coffee until AFTER you have finished the dessert.

Cafe au lait and Cappuccino -  you can drink this coffee from mid morning through the afternoon but DO NOT ask for either of these as an after dinner drink. Your waiter will look at you like  "You crazy American!!" french accent here The French only drink rocket fuel cafe noir after dinner. 

I think I'll have a cup of tea s'il vous plait
I'm Just Sayin